Home Office: Super Productivity Tips Plus an April Fool's Gag

Create shorter URLs, check addresses for snail mail, and check out this year's gag.

Steve Bass

Last year, in "Harmless Hijinks for Home and Office," I put together a few great ways to celebrate April Fool's Day. You can cull through that newsletter and find the gag that'd aggravate your friends--and their PCs--the most.

I'm terribly concerned that you may not be prepared for this year's April Fool's Day. You're not? Excellent, because I'm going to give you a gem, an absolute jewel that you can use on April 1st. I've used it on a few lists I moderate and nailed dozens of people. It's a text file so it can't do any harm, unless, of course, you're going get picky and worry about things like ego and self-esteem.

I'll supply the text to dupe people with at the end of the column; I'll also provide some marvelous responses from previous dupees. But first, let's take care of some business.

Cool Productivity Tips

Optimize Snail Mail: Are you still sending snail mail? You might want to try a cool, cool, free utility--no ads, no spyware--that checks to see if a street address is valid and adds the correct Zip+4 code. The program's from Dymo, the label-maker company. Copy an address, city, and state, and paste it into the Address Fixer (it's available as a Word add-on or can be used as a stand-alone program). If you're using a DSL or cable modem, then you'll get an instant fix; dial-up folks will have a longer wait.

Get Quick Labels: I've been using Dymo's LabelWriter 330 Turbo, an expensive--but quick and handy--label printer. About the price of some ink-jet printers, the $170 LabelWriter cranks out labels in roughly 4 seconds, thanks to the USB connection and direct thermal printing.

Tame Unruly URLs: Do you worry that when you need to e-mail long URLs, the link will break into a dozen lines? Scott Spanbauer's short but thorough piece, "More on E-Mailing URLs," has a few good ways to handle the problem.

Scott has some good ideas, but a buddy of mine showed me a Web tool that you'll love (thanks Doran!). Makeashorterlink turns long URLs into easy-to-click link. For example, the site took the long URL that points directly to the Dymo printer I mentioned above--http://www.dymo.com/media/templates/products/generic_product.jhtml?id=LabelWriter+330+-+US&navCount=2&navAction=push--and converted it to the much-shorter http://makeashorterlink.com/?O59635E7.

It's a no-brainer, something even my editor can handle. Go to the Makeashorterlink Web site, cut and paste your gnarly URL into its "Make it shorter" field, and get back a shorter link. Try it yourself, it's ultra cool.

Dig this: Want to sing with the Eagles? How's about a sing-along with the Police doing "Every Breath You Take"? Well tune up your geetar, watch the bouncing ball, and follow the chords at GeetNet. Warning: Turn down your speakers (or turn 'em up if you're feeling secure about your job).

The April Fool's Gag

I was going to forget the newsletter and just send out the Media Alert instead. My editor, skittish as ever, wouldn't go for it. And he insists I tell you the Media Alert is entirely made up. It's false, bogus, and fake; there is no such phone company, and you needn't worry about any dust in your phone lines. (Oh, you don't know the half of what I have to censor...)

Okay, the first thing I need to do is help you set the scene. Start your e-mail with something like, "A buddy of mine in IS sent me this note..." Better yet: "That guy who writes those great newsletters (I forget his name, Trout, or something) over at PC World, got a Media Alert from some phone company. He says it's not an urban legend, and I'm taking his advice. I cut and pasted it below."

Now cut everything between the asterisks and paste it into an e-mail.

******************

As a writer for PC World, I get lots of press releases and media alerts. This one arrived the other day and I thought you might find it useful. If you have a chance, you might consider forwarding it to a friend. And don't worry--it's no hoax.

FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE

CONTACT: Richard Schvanski, Corporate Communications

SOUTHCOAST BELLCOM TO CLEAN PHONE AND INTERNET ACCESS LINES

Los Angeles, CA- April 1, 2002- Southcoast Bellcom, a subsidiary of PCG Communications, is preparing to join telephone companies throughout the U.S. in a nationwide "cleaning" of all phone and telecom lines this Sunday.

"We do this about every 10 years," said a Richard Schvanski, spokesperson for the National Telephone Association. "Over time, dust collects in the lines and this leads to weak connections and static, as well as to broken and slow Internet connectivity."

To clean the lines, Schvanski said, all telephone companies will use air compressors at their central locations in each city to blow a blast of air through phone lines and cable networks. The 10-minute process will cause dust to blow through telephone receivers, fax and answering machines, and both traditional PC and DSL modems in homes and offices throughout the U.S.

Schvanski explained that most people are being urged to set a newspaper under their telecom device before going to bed Sunday night. The cleaning will be done between 2 a.m. and 4 a.m. so as to disturb as few people as possible, he said.

In the past, the spokesperson said, some people have put a plastic baggy over their telephone's handset to catch the dust, or wrapped the handset with a cloth to keep dust from getting on their furniture. Cell phones, pagers, and other wireless devices are not affected.

Customers experiencing problems should visit the Southcoast Bellcom Web Troubleshooting page at http://www.southcoastbellcom.com,1002,987asp@216.118.65.161//404/index.html

*************

It's up to you whether you wait a couple of days to tell them it was a joke. OTOH, if your buddy actually takes steps to cover his telephone's handset, he might not find it particularly pleasurable hearing you explain how this occurs only on the first of April.

If you're curious to see some responses from my lists, check them out here.

I think you'll have some fun with the April Fool's gag--and even if you don't, I still got to fill more than half of the newsletter and not work very hard at it.

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