Have a Deadline? Ignore It and Have Some Fun

Weird Web sites, tools for tricking your boss.

Steve Bass

Ever have one of those days when you just want to goof off? Like nothing much is going to get done, and you couldn't care less? (Nothing that yours truly ever faced, of course, but you might have.)

So I offer you my surefire ways to fool your boss when he or she calls, methods for tricking your spouse into thinking that you're really working when he or she pops in to see what you're doing, and some of the best of my "Dig This" Web sites (perfect for missing a deadline).

The first thing to do is download my handy-dandy collection of sound files. Then unzip it, and using Windows Explorer, drag each WAV to your desktop. Don't know how to unzip a file? Read this tutorial.

These WAVs produce sounds your caller will hear--like dogs barking, doorbells ringing, and horns honking--helping you get off the phone.

For instance, when I call my CPA, he's charging me $60 an hour. After my tax questions are answered, it's his cue to ask what I think of AMI's new Double Duty Dual BIOS with VirusGuard. I click my "truck_horn.wav" sound. "Gotta go, George, I can't miss FedX." It's been three years and he still hasn't figured it out.

Hello? I Gotta Go

I've been successful using a doorbell/dog combo sound on my boss. After a few minutes of talking to him (well, listening actually), I click the "doorbellanddog.wav" on my desktop. He hears the doorbell ring, the dog barking furiously, and the doorbell ringing again. "All hell's breaking loose," I say, "can I call you back?" If he continues blabbering, I hit the "doorbell.wav" two or three times.

Unfortunately, my boss is a wily character (and not one of the ASCII types), so I have to alternate background sounds. Some days I shout into the phone over the sound of building construction--jackhammers and hammering--explaining that my wife's remodeling again. Of course, if you're caught, this will probably tick off your boss, ensuring a not-so-glowing report to be entered into your personnel file. And no, I'm not going to take the rap.

Uh-Oh, the Computer's Down

Want to get out of a teleconference? Easy. Install Typewriter onto your PC and every time you hit a key, everyone on the teleconference will hear the racket of a typewriter from the PC's speakers. Press the Return key and you'll hear the familiar ratchet-and-ring sound. When asked about the clamor, explain that your PC's down (not depressed, just kinda blue) and you have to use your old Remington portable. You'll prove you're really working hard and likely be excused in short order. This is also useful if your spouse is in the next office. (When you've had enough of Typewriter, just uninstall the program and go back to the boring sounds of your PC.)

Dig Into "Dig This"

In each of my columns, I provide a way for you to skip those boring meetings and find some wacky stuff on the Web instead. Here are some of my favorite "Dig This" sites:

• This is a neat tool to have around the office if you're holding a coffee cup in one hand and need to reboot your PC with a three-finger salute (you know, Control-Alt-Delete?)
• Want to check how far your mouse has traveled? Grab a copy of the Mouse Odometer, an incredible time waster.
• The Visual Thesaurus ThinkMap is a blast. Type a word into the field (try the word "change" or "process"). Then click on the words once they come up in the box. It's a fascinating, brain numbing way to look up words as your deadline whooshes by.
• The latest keyboards have a key that gives you something to tap when you've sent your boss e-mail explaining why you think he or she is acting like a baboon.
• Distract yourself with some fascinating high-speed, stop-action photos, like "Striking a Match With a BB," or "Popping the Bottom Off a Glass Bottle". Check these and other gems.
• The day will come when you give up your 56-kbps dial-up and switch to a broadband connection. Here's what it feels like.

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